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Substance in Pulp

a tasteful desktop accessory

He Who Does
Seymore B. Rattus is a director at The Institute of Technological Values - a think tank dedicated to a more moral digital age. He has closely monitored the IT industry's intersection with America's role as a world leader for thirty years. You can find Seymore locked and loaded, corralling wounded iLemmings, masticating beta culture, following Jimmy Wales, nursing an opal-plated prostate, spanking open source fly boys, wearing a smashing suit, dropping a SkyCar on the Googleplex, spitting on Frenchmen, vomiting in fear with a life-sized cutout of Hilary Rosen at his solar-powered compound somewhere in the Great American Northwest.

A welcome message from me

srattus reviewed:
you're a character who sees life much the same way a drunk bastard son of Ernest Hemingway and Erik Poulsen might
-- William@chicago

Upon first meeting Teh Rattus, I wanted to put him across my knee and spank him for being such a horribly wonderful, naughty boy. };)
-- matafleur

Unlike 95% of planet Earth (myself included), srattus here actually has his shit together. If Hitler had him as a general on the Eastern Front during the winter of 1942, the Russians, and probably all of us, would be speaking German right now.
-- heuteistmeintag

You are pretty good at e-wisdom, sir.
-- conceptual

He's a very special breed of geek, but he drives rather recklessly for a Virgo.
-- odd_dog

You are the a+ woodsman.

srattus is my big brother. Testifying to his intelligence is *so* played out. We all know what a genius he is...but do you know what an incredible person he is? srattus is, hands down, the strongest person I know (and I'm not talking World's-Strongest-Man-strong) I'm talking about an inner strength that you and me can't even wrap our minds around. He is also the most sensitive person I know and truly generous. What else? He named me (a rare Swedish name meaning Saint) when he was 2 1/2 years old. He built a TV from scratch when he was 8. He beat Super Mario Bros. 2 in like 10 hours flat and I watched the whole thing. He taught me how to read when he was 6. He built forts with me in the living room that architecturally stunned all the other kids in the neighborhood...even while withstanding major fort-building injuries like the time he yanked a TV cord out of the socket with his mouth and got electrocuted...his whole mop of blonde curly hair stood on end, but hey he had the COOLEST FORT ON THE BLOCK to recuperate in. He taught me how to go bowling with coconuts on the Pacific Coast of Mexico when we were 4 and 7 respectively, and whooped all the local's asses in UNO for like an entire winter. We wrote new (naughty) lyrics to the songs all the other kids sang (contact me to get the XXX Version of PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON). He played the stand up bass when he was 11 and took Advanced Trigonometry or some shit at the U. when he was 13. I'm not kidding. This list just goes on. He's amazing. Ladies, you *DO* love him. Guys, you *DO* want to be him. Get it while it's hot.
-- my sister

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